#4: Love is not abusive; Love does not threaten
It is like any other morning. I stand on the platform waiting for the train while eating bread for breakfast. A man and a woman I often see when I take the train are lined up in front of me. The man is a big, slow man who stands there in silence while being belittled by his smaller female companion.
It is like any other unhappy, bickering couple, but today, it is a bit different… a whole lot worse. She pulls his hair and snatches his cell phone; this crazy woman puts his cell phone on the floor and places her foot over it, baiting him, threatening him. Embarrassingly, he picks it up only to have her swat it away.
Not everyone on the platform notices or maybe they are simply ignoring it, but the ones who did are in disbelief, especially me. I take a few steps back wondering what really happened, what I really saw.
The train is arriving. The displeased woman gets the cell phone and hides it in her pocket. Even though it should be a single file line, the man she is with is standing right besides her and gets in the ways of some people exiting the train. So, he stands sideways trying to make himself smaller as if he doesn’t feel small already. They get on the train and I follow, but deliberately steer clear of the corner they are standing at.
That is not love. Love is not abusive; love does not threaten. No one should ever be abused, threaten, or humiliated, especially not openly in public like that.
It reminds me of the quote from the book, Perks of being a Wallflower – “We accept the love, we think we deserve”. Everyone needs to learn how to love themselves. If you cannot love yourself, you won’t know what it is to be loved. Please, everyone, learn to love yourself first.