Home for me is the USA. I was born and raised in California and absolutely love it there. Though, I am presently working abroad, I don’t think I would be able to call anywhere else home.

Yet, home is depressing me. These past two, three months has just been new and more news of violence and death. I want to see change. I hope there will be change – with gun laws, corruption, and racism. However, it’s all very disheartening when it happens again and again, and it feels as if it’s becoming the new norm. Americans are desensitizes to it all and accept that change might never come, or maybe that’s just the disappointed me.

Right now, I’m living in Japan. I never thought I would feel safer in a place I don’t call home. That crushes me.

I hate that there are people who see the problem but act like there’s no solution when other developed countries do not have these severe problems that we do. Now, I don’t want to compare countries because we all have our own problems. I just wish we didn’t have ours.

I’m not an articulate person. I’m not an educated person. I try to understand politics, but I really don’t. I wish I can comprehend what is currently going on in the USA, but I can’t.

I’ll be going home in two weeks for summer vacation. I haven’t been back for two year almost. I look forward to it, but I’m also nervous and upset. When did home become so scary?

I don’t know if what I am writing is wrong or right. I don’t know if my current thoughts are correct or incorrect. In my current confused state, all I know is that I want to mourn, mourn for all these lost lives that deserved a better ending. As I mourn, I can’t help but want to believe, believe that there’s still good out there, believe that there will be a better America. But, it’s hard and that devastates me.